marry him;although he lived on his own at the time and was not keeping
in touch with his parents. The story that he told mewas incomplete; he
had told us about his abuse as a child although did not advise that
his mother also beat up his father, on a regular basis. My parents
objected to his parents not being involved in the wedding, although
agreed eventually,based on what my husband had told them about the
parents being well educated with good careers. My husband kept the
details to himself in the fear of my parents not letting him marry me.
Also, because of an abusive childhood,my husband got involved in bad
habits when he left home at the age of 19 ; to cure his depression he
had taken up the hobby of pot smoking. When I methim, I felt bad for
him and after much speculation, agreed to mary him on one condition,
that he wouldgive up pot smoking.
7 years and two childrenlater, last yr, I find out alldetails on how
his parents and other familyis,(that his mother is a sadist)& also
discovered that he still smokes up on rare occasions.
This puts me off completely and I am not attracted o him anymore. I
discussed thiswith him in details and when I asked him to promise him
not to smoke weed again, he exclaimed that he cannot promise me this.
This breaks my heart, I feel like I was taken advantage of, and was
very naive to have believed in him. I regret my decision and think I
could have done so much better than him. We dont make a good
couple...because of his lifestyle pre-marriage, he is overweight and I
find it hard to feel attracted towards him.
Mind you he does pray maghrib at the mosque every now and then.
Please advise if I am crazy for thinking this and should I just move
on ignoring this.
Praise be to Allaah.
With regard to your husband smoking hashish (weed, pot), or consuming
other intoxicants or drugs, thisrequires a great deal of struggle and
advice, andseeking help from good and righteous people, sothat he can
give up this evil habit. If you find that he responds and is sincere,
this is what you want, but if you do not get that response from him,
then in that case there is no doubt that you have the right to askfor
a divorce and to annull your marriage with him.
But in fact dealing with this matter requires looking at various
aspects of your life, including your children if you have children,
andwhat will happen to them after this divorce; will you be able to
take care of them and look after them, or not? If youdo not have
children, then the matter is easier.
You mentioned that he prays. If he prays regularly or he prays most of
the time, but he does not pray in the mosque, then even though he has
done something reprehensible, there is still hope for him so longas he
still prays.
But if he does not pray at all, there is nothing good in him for you
and such a person does not deserve to have you staywith him.
See the answer to question no. 47335 and 172999 .
We advise you to fear Allah, may He be glorified and exalted.
Fulfilling the rights of Allah and obeying Him, and fulfilling the
husband's rights, are among the most important means of solving
marital problems. Moreover you should understand that whatever trials
befall an individual in his wealth, his family or his child, may stem
from himself in the first place: "And whatever of misfortune befalls
you, it is because of what your hands haveearned" [ash-Shoora 42:30].
So we advise you to be patient with your husband whilst continuing to
offer sincere advice and praying for him, until Allah sets him
straight. Please see the answers to questions no. 9497 , 142326 and
32450 for means that will help you to deal with the problems you have
mentioned.
If he mends his ways, all well and good; otherwise you can ask for a
divorce if you cannot be patient with your husband's annoyances and
can no longer carry on living with him, or if you fear for yourself,
your religious commitment oryour children if you stay with him.
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